#dash rants

[dashofmonsters]

Ok I'm just going to rant a little because I need to:

You ever upset someone and you don't know why or how and when you apologize or try to make it right it pisses them off even more and when you ask them why or how the thing you did upset them they say stuff like "you should already know why". And I'm just thinking in my head "if I knew I wouldn't have done the thing to piss you off!"

Like I'm one of those people whose entire day can be ruined if someone is mad at me because I don't like people being mad at me, especially if it's something I can control or fix or not do again.

I already have a tough time regulating my emotions as is but when someone's mad, I damn near shut down depending on the level of anger.

[tumblasha]

maybe i'm just being misogynistic

because there's no reason why i shouldn't like you

because i've met people who interrupt me before

because i've met people who talk too much before

because i've met people who travel to a country and don't know the language before

and they're ... fine?

there's so many aspects that i don't like in people across the world that just happen to be compounded in you. i value my friends for being people who Listen to me [1], for being people who wouldn't cut me off when i'm trying to say something

i value natural curiosity. if you wonder something and need to know the answer, why should i be the force that stops you from asking a question?

and your job is anthropology, you're an ethnographer. you're supposed to be curious and invade ask about people's lives like this. your Job is a direct descendant of the people that take take take stories out of people's communities.

but knowledge is supposed to be shared! the job can't be all that bad right?

and it's not like boys are socialized to ask questions [2]

and i'm jealous. because i feel like i have a delay in getting to know people [3]. and you manage to make people like you because you make them talk about themselves. you're able to invite people to your birthday party in a country that you've spent six (6) weeks in because you know how to make people like you

and how could i do anything you do? i can't go to a country where i don't speak the language (guilt). i can't bring myself to care enough about new people to ask them questions about their lives. i can't do it because i get overwhelmed and i need my ipad enrichment time [4]

but lately others have been catching on. they shush you when you're speaking over the waiter. they finish their sentence when you ask a question. sometimes they don't even answer your question. they look at Me when i'm talking and i put my hand out to shush you every time you interrupt me.

maybe i'm just being misogynistic. because you're a girl who talks a lot. i'm not either. and why should you have to burden my hatred?

---

[1] i almost had a falling out with a friend in high school bc they acted in a way that showed that they didn't listen to something i said. mind you this was in my (soft spoken) era. nobody could hear me say shit

[2] it's actually Impossible to receive gossip from a man. they never ask questions! follow me for more fun facts :)

[3] historically it takes me two (2) years to find Actual Friends whenever i switch schools / cities / places

[4] everyone should play hello kitty island adventure and stardew valley

---

tl;dr: i hate people who interrupt me or ignore mre and maybe i should just get over it

[dashofmonsterspublishing]

My writing block can't decide if it wants to play Age of Empires, find new music, tackle my tbr, work on crafts, or all of the above. Thus so far I've done all of the above :/

I work on a computer all day and we've been super busy and I don't want to have to stretch my brain too much...

[nightmare-chaser]

Ive seen multiple posts from reddit refuges that go like "im queer and its so welcoming here!" Or "im nonbinary and dont get quized on my gender here!" Or "im autistic and i can be weird here and yall like it!" And its so fuckin cute its like yes hi hello welcome this is the gay ass autistic website we love special interests we love weird genders we love just saying random shit and the just happy surprised tone of those posts is so wholesome to me like yes! hi! you are in fact the target audience! welcome home

[alchemistc]

There's been something about the woobification of Buck that's been sitting on the tip of my tongue for weeks now, and I think I've finally figured it out.

This is, of course, mostly in reference to the moral outrage about a decade-ish (give or take) age gap between two adult men and the infantalization of one said grown man, so all the puritanism isn't really coming from a place of good faith anyway, but here's the thing that's been bugging me that I couldn't quite put a finger on until now.

Buck has people he goes to for certain things. He has, what are in his mind, experts in the field for most of the things he can't think through on his own, that he goes to for a sounding board.

He went to Hen to talk through the sperm donor dilemma for a few reasons that made sense to him. 1) She's a mom. She has very much had to deal with the reality of 'giving up' children she considered her own. Buck is aware that he would be giving up something that could mean something to him, and he wants to talk to someone who has some insight into that. 2) She's dealt with IVF. She knows the risks, she knows the trials and tribulations, she knows about this thing that he is thinking about agreeing to be a part of so she's going to have a fuller grasp on the enormity of everything this process entails.

And they drink about it. Hen gives him what she can and cautions him where she thinks she should and they continue to talk about it and regardless of what SHE thinks, he makes his mind up in part because he got to talk to his Expert.

Bobby is often his go to when he feels like he's losing his grip on things. He's seen Bobby staring down the bottom of the bottle. He's seen the work he's done to pull himself back into the world, and he's seen the way he fights for his family, his people. Buck leans on him in times of questioning himself because he knows Bobby has pulled himself off the ledge with bleeding hands and a bleeding heart.

He reaches out to Maddie about interpersonal shit constantly. We see it all the way back in S2 when he's starting to question what the hell he's still doing in Abby's apartment, and that never really changes. She's the one with advice for him when he's angry with his parents, upset with the firefam, worried about his friends, or just generally concerned with the way he's perceived by people or how he perceives the world. He goes to her when he's embarrassed, ashamed, because he knows she won't judge him for it. She'll call him out, for sure, but she's not going to look at him differently when she knows he's done something he considers bad behavior.

When he goes to her during the Tommy arc, he's there for one reason he'll admit, and another she has to ferret out. 1) He lied to his best friend and he doesn't know why. 2) Oh yeah he went on a date with a dude that's not strange WHY IS THAT STRANGE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ALLY PLEASE DON'T PULL BACK THE CURTAIN - and Maddie is there with two things: 1) It's not weird but it IS new and something you clearly haven't worked through all the way which is why 2) you'll tell Eddie when you're ready

And Eddie is sort of his go-to to bounce ideas off of. Eddie is his Buck expert. Eddie is the guy who can sort through all the bullshit and who sees Buck for exactly who he is, every time, regardless of what Buck himself is thinking. Eddie is his best friend, and he knows the good the bad and the ugly better than anyone else. He is also, quite frankly, the one Buck seeks out to help him contextualize all of his romantic feelings for people. Eddie's the guy he talks to when he's interested in someone, when he's falling for someone, he's the guy through which Buck filters his love interests into the firefam. I do the same shit with my best friend. It's instinct to want the person you consider the expert on you to meet the person you are interested in, it's instinct to want them to like each other, to get along. Buck knows Eddie loves him (in whatever way you see that love, Buck knows Eddie loves him) and he wants this person who loves him to be at least an active listener as he talks himself through the minefield of relationships. I do also think that up until the events of season seven, Buck considers Eddie sort of an expert on that traditional love-marriage-kids-white-picket-fence relationship Buck thinks he's striving for - in a very naive way, because obviously the wasn't what Eddie and Shannon had and Buck knows that, but he's probably fed some of Eddie's rose colored reminiscences back into that notion.

When he comes out to Eddie he's got two worries. 1) I lied to you and I figured out why but I'm still a little worried you think it's weird and 2) I screwed it up with someone I really like and I don't know where to go from here.

And Eddie (Buck expert) reassures him that just because it's new and unexpected doesn't make it strange, that it doesn't change anything in their friendship. And then he gets right to the heart of it - if you like him you should reach out and tell him that. He doesn't know you like we do but if you give him the chance to, he'll love you as much as we do. If he doesn't give it the same shot you want to he's the idiot.

With all that context in mind, Buck isn't seeking out Tommy's attention because he wants an authority figure, or someone to take care of him, someone to guide him through sex or love or relationship dynamics or any of the other random shit I've seen ppl infantalizing Buck about.

What he's looking for, and what he ultimately tells Tommy he'd like to pursue, is a partnership. Someone to walk (or more likely for Buck, speedrun) through experiences together. The Athena to his Bobby, the Chim to his Maddie, the Karen to his Hen.

So every time I see someone infantalizing Buck for seeking out a relationship with an older man for X or Y reason, I'm just like - no. He has Bobby, Hen, Maddie, Eddie, Chim etc for that. He doesn't want or need Tommy for that. He is a grown ass man who has built these strong relationships with his peers and his mentors and he is so fucking aware of that because he reaches for their help any time he feels the urge for a helping hand.

So yeah, Tommy's older. Yes, Tommy has more experience with his sexuality than Buck. And that - that's really it. Buck's been in the same career for more than half a decade. He's lived on his own since he was no older than 19/20. He's had serious relationships, he has a rich and fulfilling life. There is no power imbalance in the relationship between Buck and Tommy.

And while the age gap may be a bit of a draw for Buck, it's not WHY he's attracted to Tommy. We know because he's told Maddie. He's cool. He's interesting. He's confident. He has a cleft.

Buck isn't going into this waiting for someone older and more experienced to take the fucking reins. He felt like he clicked with Tommy, like there was an immediate connection, and yes, Tommy had to kiss him about it for Buck to actually figure out what it was he was experiencing, but from that point on it was all on Buck (and the people he leans on for advice) to help him sort through.

Tommy didn't do shit other than pump the brakes and try to give Buck the space he thought he needed to decide what he was ready for. Buck (again, with the help of his experts - Maddie for the emotional piece of it, Eddie for the Buck of it all) did the work on his own. Tommy didn't swoop in and overbearingly hold his hand through a sexual awakening. He kissed him, asked him out, realized he wasn't ready, stepped back and then checked in multiple times when Buck came back at it going 120 miles an hour.

And then he did everything he could to prove to Buck he wanted the same thing - a partner, someone to talk to, and lean on, and flirt with and rely on to show up whenever they could feasibly manage it (and sometimes when it's a little unfeasible too).

The narrative even acknowledges that Buck had no reason to go to Bobby in this scenario, when he often would, and lays out exactly why.

Within the canon of this particular arc, we're meant to see this as Buck realizing he has the experience necessary to think these things through on his own. This is Buck finally taking control of something that's always felt like it fell into his lap a bit. This is Buck doing more than treading water until his legs give out.

And minimizing that growth bc you personally don't like the LI he's pursuing is gross at best. At worst it's something much more insidious.

[basilpaste]

ive been trying very hard to formulate a way to say this that doesnt make me sound like an asshole but honestly ive like. given up.

youre gonna drive yourselves fucking nuts with all the doom posting. and all the "its gonna be okay, you have to live" posting isnt any less doom posting. its all the same song to a different tune.

its shitty and terrible and youre allowed to feel shitty and terrible. but its not like. gonna change because you feel shitty about it. and constantly thinking about how shitty you feel about it is just gonna make you feel worse.

go like. eat a snack or something. play a game you like. i dunno. its shitty! but dont spend your time catastrophizing. drink some fuckin water or whatever other cheesy bullshit keeps you occupied while you process.

[chuluoyi]

before i get another unpleasant ask/long-ass rant about why you hate this specific fictional character and force your unwarranted opinion on me like this again, let me just put it out here:

you all lads players have the right to choose which LI suit you best. pick your own poison

you are entitled to dislike caleb if you’re uncomfortable with his trope. but this doesn’t give you the right to police and force your hate on players who like him (and me) who do not share the same view as you. grow up and learn to respect other people’s opinions. or at the very least if you want to discuss our differing views, do it nicely

likewise, i won’t force my opinion on you either. i don’t care the least bit whether you like him or not. but this is my personal blog and i’ll say what i want to say. don’t like it? block me and move on. don’t try to convince me otherwise or argue with me bc i don’t care about your opinion at all

all of this is just a game. everyone in lads doesn’t exist. caleb’s toxicity you all talk about doesn’t exist in real life. what truly exists and is disgusting is your toxicity and immaturity. stop being miserable and spreading hate just bc you want to prove your point

hot take: if it’s sylus who’s acting like caleb, i bet you’ll eat it up still. it’s just a matter of your preference and your big sense of “entitlement” really—perhaps bc you spend money on the game. you think all people, including infold, have to cater to your wants only just bc you pay them… whereas infold is actually a business that’s thriving as is now in china, where their biggest market is. and you know what? cn fandom has none of this mad circus of caleb discourse at all, and what you and the entire global players spend on lads is nothing compared to what cn players do, so help yourself and this entire fandom by touching grass

[needtobehisprettyboy]

I hate the CaitVi Sex scene

Everytime I see someone thirsting after the scene and gushing about how it's so hot, I feel so disgusted and ticked cause of how the scene came about and where it's located.

Before we get onto my rant about the scene itself, I want to mention the CaitVi scene that happened before that.

"She saved your life!"

"If you will just calm down for on-"

If you will just calm down for once? Hypocrite. Caitlyn's allowed to be pissy, allowed to call Zaunites animals (oh, "except" Vi though) and then fight like an animal by biting Sevika—

Sidenote:

That's also another scene I don't find hot at all. Any time I see it, I can't focus on how attractive Sevika is when she's smug (even though she totes is). All I can focus on is how Caitlyn bit Sevika. I don't remember who pointed it out, if it was on Tumblr or TikTok which I have promptly deleted since the ban, but someone pointed out that Caitlyn is fighting dirty—like a Zaunite. Caitlyn was backed into a corner, so she fought like an animal.

Fuck her.

I guess now she can somewhat understand why Zaunites fight the way they do. When you're backed into a corner, feeling helpless, feeling desperate, you fight like it and she did the same exact same thing she judged them for.

Bastard.

Lol can you tell I'm feeling bitter over her character?

Back to OG rant

—biting Sevika, gas the undercity and harshly interrogate someone who was a victim of Jinx's shenanigans, hit Vi for trying to calm her down from her grief driven rage, but oh, no Vi must calm down even though she's barely angry compared to when Caitlyn's angry. Not to mention that Caitlyn throws a tantrum herself and throws the tiny figure in her hand to the ground.

"—since you don't trust her enough not to shove her in a box."

Can we please take note of the tremble in Vi's voice when she says that? 'Oh, Jinx brought back her trauma from being in Stillwater!1!2!1' First of all, shut up. Second of all, yeah. . . So did Caitlyn?? Caitlyn may not have known what to do with Jinx, but the option for her to let Jinx go to prison was there and Vi hated it.

"Cait, she's changed."

"We can't erase our mistakes. None of us."

All the while not doing any time of her own for the crimes she committed—and no, I'm not talking about her gassing the undercity. What she did as a dictator, letting Noxians take over, and hardly doing anything afterwards even though she caused so much pain and misery to both Piltovians and Zaunites goes unpunished. Her losing an eye is nothing compared to the fear many people will feel while living under a dictatorship.

Get the guillotine!!

"Who decides who gets a second chance?"

Exactly. Caitlyn did no better than Jinx. She knows it too. It tears her up inside—as it should!!! Besides, did she think Jinx wasn't going to eventually get out of Stillwater? Or was one of her options to let Jinx rot there until she died? Yeah, I'm sure your girlfriend would love that.

Now, let's get to the scene itself!

But first let me talk about what happened right before that—

Vi tries to get Jinx on her side, Jinx rejects her, and Vi watches her sister leave while being told by her that Vi "deserves to be happy" and not to "worry about her anymore".

Yikes.

People say that what happened next with Caitlyn was Vi "finally being selfish", but it just feels wrong to me. Don't get me wrong, Vi deserves to enjoy herself after everything that's been done to her; however, you aren't going to have normal, healthy, healing sex right after seeing a loved one leave you for good.

Trust me lol I've had enough grieving/traumatic experience to know that you can feel upset for hours and won't immediately be able to get into a happy mindset even if you find something to entertain yourself with. You can have people try to cheer you up and you feel a bit better, but you still feel that lingering horrible feeling inside that will eat at you for who knows how long. You could give me Steb wearing the cutest little red panties I have ever seen in my life and I'd still be sad while trying to eat him out. You need to give me that like a day or so AFTER my little breakdown cause I won't enjoy it right after crying about losing my sis.

Sidenote:

Someone please remind me to draw that.

It would take at least an hour for Vi to get back to normal with the way she was reacting. At least. Vi was in that cell for who knows how long, but she was still upset and rather vulnerable when Caitlyn found her. No doubt she needed more time to get herself together.

Okay, now, let's get to the scene itself!!!

Bro, don't fuck me while I'm crying unless I'm crying cause I'm laughing too hard or because of sexy overstimulation. Fuck me? Nah, fuck you.

"I choose wrong every time—and because of it. . . I've lost everyone."

"Did you really think I needed all the guards at the HexGates?"

SHUT UP! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT AWWWWWUUUPPPPPPP—anyway,

Your girl is clearly upset, grieving her lost relationship with her sister (and likely other loved ones shes lost like Vander/Warwick), feeling guilty, and clearly not in any type of good mood yet your first reaction is to smirk???? You think this is funny?? Now is not the time to tease, Ms. Dumbass.

Vi needs compassion and reassurance not. . . Whatever that was. Yes, showing that you knew all along and didn't do anything to stop her shows that you do care for her, but it also isn't what she needs. Caitlyn did not reassure her that Vi wasn't going to lose her so easily.

Mainly because if she did, that'd be a lie, but that's neither here nor there.

"Sorry to say, you've grown a bit predictable."

Girl, you are not sorry. Quit lying. I can smell the smoke coming off your pants, but I'm not getting the fire extinguisher.

Again, this isn't what Vi needs. Any therapist would be able to tell you that you should seek healthier coping mechanisms other than sex. Does cuddling not exist? Does making out and then putting a stop to it because you realize your girl is not in the right state of mind for this exist??? Seeking sex after feeling so vulnerable and horrible about yourself is in no way, shape, or form okay. Shit isn't cute.

Caitlyn, you are more of an animal than you realize.

"Listen! While you were gone, I. . . Saw someone."

All of a sudden you realize that you should stop things because you feel guilty, but that guilt isn't over letting your girl go down on you after being upset and grieving, but about. . . Having another girl while she was gone???? Girl, seriously, your priorities are wack.

She does hesitate for a moment once she sees VI's injury (I can't remember where the injury came from. I stg if it came from Caitlyn or whatever Caitlyn ordered her to do. . .) yet she continues on. There are multiple reasons why they shouldn't do it right then and there, but Caitlyn is so horny she lets Vi pleasure her.

The reasons:

1. Vi is not in the right place of mind, she just lost her sister. Please let her grieve.

2. That is a jail cell. After what happened to her, their first time should be somewhere comfortable. Vi deserves comfort. She deserves to be spoiled. You're in Piltover, Caitlyn has a mansion with a really good bed, but your first fuck is in a dirty jail cell??

3. That is a jail cell that contained her sister. Vi can't reclaim shit about having sex in a jail cell if it's a cell that contained her sister. If there was better writing, she'd feel guilty over having sex in the cell she lost her sister. Her guilt isn't going to immediately go away because of one fuck. That's not how it works. Wish it was, but it's not.

Can I also note that Vi is the one pleasuring Caitlyn and not the other way around? Maybe Vi prefers to eat out rather than be eaten, but I think it just speaks more to her always servicing others rather than servicing herself or being serviced. If the sex scene was gonna happen, at least show Vi being completely selfish and enjoying herself by showing Cait be the one to kiss her down to her coochie. Maybe she's a stone top, but she gives off switch vibes to me.

Fuck you, Cait. Always wanting things to benefit you.

(If it was me, I'd eat Vi out, but, again, that's neither here nor there. . . She's not even in my top favs. I just want the best for her cause I hate Caitlyn lol.)

"I'm feeling fantastic."

FUCK YOUUUU

Okay *drops mic* , rant over

[star-lights-up]

you're gonna be popular ♡

[mythological-mayhem]

Zeus: Nothing in life is free.

Aphrodite: Love is free.

Apollo: Adventure is free.

Hermes: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

[dashofmonsters]

It's 4:30ish and I'm awake against my will:

The AC at the rental I'm trying to move out of is busted and we can't get a hold of the landlady.

I'm currently suffering from getting overheated even though it's been a few hours since my family got to a place with AC. How am I suffering? Severe nausea, still feeling overheated even though it's like 70 degrees now, and feeling dehydrated even though I've been drinking water all day.

I don't sweat... I do but I don't. (Warning for possible TMI) But I only sweat in a couple places and when I do, I break out in hives. I've tried to have doctors explain this to me but because I'm a woman it's either hormones or because I'm overweight (I am but I've had this issue since I was a fit little kid). So because I don't sweat properly my body can't really regulate its temperature :/

I've always gotten extremely sick if I get too hot (75 degrees is the max I can tolerate) and a lot of people have said I'm either making it up, that it's normal and to get over it or that I'm trying to get out of going outside. Mind you I love going outside but not when I risk getting sick. I can't get over it no matter how often I expose myself to high temperatures and if anyone does make me do anything in those high temps, well they better have a barf bag. I cannot stress how easily sick I get from heat.

Anyone thanks for coming to my "it's too early for my ass to be awake" rant. Goodnight and Good morning.

[tumblasha]

i miss perú. especially the food from my dad's hometown, moyobamba. i want to eat the caldo de gallina from the restaurant by the tarapoto airport. i want to travel to the town an hour away from my grandparents' house to eat majás. i want to make juanes with my grandmother. i want to visit my aunts and uncles and eat around lima. i want to go to my mom's hometown, jauja, and eat cuy. i want to go to a random chicken chain restaurant (rocky's? roxy's? they're literally two different chains that are also the same). i want to eat at bembos where they put fries in the burgers. i'll even take going back to houston (where my mom's family is visiting now) and eat at a peruvian restaurant there. it's the first time Ever that i'm comfortable speaking spanish to all my relatives, none of that "i'm so young and they're so old" fear, none of that language insecurity. i want to go see my family :(

[celtrist]

I just vented out a whole rant about how aromantisim is treated within Hazbin/helluva. I'm not really sure if I should post it for multiple reasons, one of which being I don't want anyone to feel targeted about it or take it the wrong way (like I honestly dont have beef with Al shippers. Gripes, but no beef as I also ship him on occasion).

There was just a sudden burst of frustration I had with it that I think was in part just came from built up frustration from other things. There's things I'd like to have out there, but I don't really think it'd get far or, again, be just taken the wrong way. I don't see a point in posting if people are gonna ignore it, plus it wouldn't change how things are now. If anyone has any thoughts or are curious let me know, but I don't wanna make anyone feel like shit or put a pointless rant out there no one wanted to see. I also wanna keep rants to a minimum as I know people aren't always into that sort of stuff, especially if you don't follow someone for that and you just get an influx of posts of them complaining. And I still want to keep things relatively light hearted around here, at best maybe just some critiques on things here and there.

It's late, I'm on my phone when I should probably just sleep it off, so sleep it off I will.

[slamrink]

Nothing to see here just steph stealing glances of klay like he’s afraid he’s going to get caught 😃😃 (via namxsj on twitter )

[mavibonghostexpress]

D10 repost wurghh

[thecsquirrel]

When us Queer folks yell about getting more shows with Queer characters we mean what Mike Flanagan is doing with Fall of the House of Usher.

People be gay. Period.

There's no fanfare. No crisis. No trauma. No ticker tape parade. It's often not the point of the story. The characters are Queer and the earth has not shattered. Some of them are boring, some are the worst people in the world, some are even nice. They are just Queer.

I want the Sci fi, the fantasy, the horror, the period romance, the procedural, the rom-com, etc.

(Side note: this show is insanely well written and directed. Like I absolutely know what's going to happen in each ep, but my word, it's so wonderfully woven together.)

P.s. Carla Gugino is just never not a pleasure to look at. Whew!